DO YOU EVEN LIKE ME?

Have you ever had a day when you just said (or thought), "I wonder if God likes me." My roommate and I were having this conversation the other day. Life has been a little beyond interesting lately and the storms have definitely been beating the you know what out of us. Basically, the fire has been a bit hot, friends. God refines and disciplines in ways that are quite frankly painful sometimes.

Now deep down I know I don't have to wonder if God like me. Of course God LOVES me. I know that...He doesn't have to prove it because He already has. But sometimes as a humanoid living in this fallen world, the questions start to creep in and I find myself looking to the heavens and crying out..."God, do you even like me anymore?"

Well...today was just the opposite. I left work saying..."God must really like me today." Now I know the theology is all wrong...I know that. I'm just saying. And I think God is okay with that...in fact, I think He was probably getting a kick out of it. He's like the parent that just sits back and laughs when the kid finally figures out that what the parent said all along was true. How long ago was it that He sent the message to me to just BE STILL...? Three months...I did okay, except for maybe the last couple of weeks. I have been disciplined...and I come back wondering how I ever could have doubted. He didn't promise me anything. In fact the message was just that...Kayla, I'm not promising you anything except MY presence. I'm here...and it's alright (even if you can't pay your bills right now) I KNOW. Trust ME.

Deep down I knew that no matter what, He is a GREAT God. That's not changed in the last two hours. Just because I woke up with one job this morning and left work with another job to start on Monday, doesn't mean that He liked me any better at two o'clock than He did at six o'clock. I'm just saying...though probably not very well.

So, if you ever wonder if God likes you...I've been there too. But for me today... :) Monday I get to be a therapist again. It'll be tough. In fact, Monday evening I may wonder what I've gotten myself into, but I know that for the next part of my journey, this is my place. I can go back to just being still and letting Him be God...why didn't I just let Him in the first place?

i am not

(KJo)